A proud moment

Checking my Sitemeter stats this morning, I have discovered that this blog is currently the number five Google result on the entire world wide web for the phrase "loathsome bastards."

Blog and souls for my lord Arioch!

Found the test via Andrew Wheeler.  I'm actually not a big Moorcock reader, but this still seems right somehow.  I'm not sure I'd call myself "high-brow," but the rest of it- violent, traditional, cynical, ruggedly manly facial hair- all fit.  If you try out the test yourself, let me know what you get in the comments.


Your result for Which fantasy writer are you?...

Michael Moorcock (b. 1939)

19 High-Brow, 21 Violent, -17 Experimental and 21 Cynical!

Congratulations! You are High-Brow, Violent, Traditional and Cynical! These concepts are defined below.



Michael Moorcock is one of the most influential fantasy writers of all times, his impact rivalling that of Tolkien's. Perhaps China Miéville described it best when he said: "I think we are all post-Moorcock." Apart from being the editor of New Worlds twice in the 60s and 70s, thereby being instrumental in bringing on the so-called "new wave" of science fiction which changed all fantastic literature forever, Moorcock's own work has been an inspiration to more recent writers. He is also known for not hiding or blunting his views on fiction which he regards as inferior, a trait which has lead him to apply harsh criticism on authors such as J R R Tolkien, C S Lewis an H P Lovecraft.

His most popular work are the Elric books. Elric was originally conceived as a sort of critical comment to or even parody of R E Howard's Conan, but the character and his world soon grew to form a tragic and somewhat fatalistic drama. Elric's world is, in turn, only a small part of the huge Multiverse, a set of stories from all sorts of worlds (including our own) which is forever locked in a struggle between the two powers of Law and Chaos. Whenever one of these powers is threatening to become too powerful, an incarnation of the Eternal Champion, a group of warriors possessing the same spirit, is forced to fight to maintain the delicate balance between the two. Moorcock has worked several of his heroes into this cycle of books, including Hawkmoon, Corum and, of course, Elric.

Moorcock's stories are often stories about warriors, however reluctant they may be, and are usually explicitly violent, even if the purpose of all the hacking and slashing is to free humans and other beings from oppression and, ultimately, fear. There is little happiness, though, for those who are forced to do the fighting and all they can hope for is a short time of respite, sometimes in the town of Tanelorn, the only place in the multiverse that the eternal struggle between Law and Chaos can't reach.

It should also be mentioned that, even though Moorcock has done quite some experimenting in his days, it can't be ignored that a major part of his books are traditional adventure stories that become more than that by their inclusion into a grand vision. A little ironically , perhaps, for an author who has criticized the "world-building school" of fantasy, Moorcock achieves much of his popularity through building, if not a world, a world vision.

You are also a lot like China Miéville

If you want something more gentle, try Ursula K le Guin

If you'd like a challenge, try your exact opposite, Katharine Kerr



Your score



This is how to interpret your score: Your attitudes have been measured on four different scales, called 1) High-Brow vs. Low-Brow, 2) Violent vs. Peaceful, 3) Experimental vs. Traditional and 4) Cynical vs. Romantic. Imagine that when you were born, you were in a state of innocence, a tabula rasa who would have scored zero on each scale. Since then, a number of circumstances (including genetic, cultural and environmental factors) have pushed you towards either end of these scales. If you're at 45 or -45 you would be almost entirely cynical, low-brow or whatever. The closer to zero you are, the less extreme your attitude. However, you should always be more of either (eg more romantic than cynical). Please note that even though High-Brow, Violent, Experimental and Cynical have positive numbers (1 through 45) and their opposites negative numbers (-1 through -45), this doesn't mean that either quality is better. All attitudes have their positive and negative sides, as explained below.



High-Brow vs. Low-Brow



You received 19 points, making you more High-Brow than Low-Brow. Being high-browed in this context refers to being more fascinated with the sort of art that critics and scholars tend to favour, rather than the best-selling kind. At their best, high-brows are cultured, able to appreciate the finer nuances of literature and not content with simplifications. At their worst they are, well, snobs.



Violent vs. Peaceful



You received 21 points, making you more Violent than Peaceful. Please note that violent in this context does not mean that you, personally, are prone to violence. This scale is a measurement of a) if you are tolerant to violence in fiction and b) whether you see violence as a means that can be used to achieve a good end. If you are, and you do, then you are violent as defined here. At their best, violent people are the heroes who don't hesitate to stop the villain threatening innocents by means of a good kick. At their worst, they are the villains themselves.



Experimental vs. Traditional



You received -17 points, making you more Traditional than Experimental. Your position on this scale indicates if you're more likely to seek out the new and unexpected or if you are more comfortable with the familiar, especially in regards to culture. Note that traditional as defined here does not equal conservative, in the political sense. At their best, traditional people don't change winning concepts, favouring storytelling over empty poses. At their worst, they are somewhat narrow-minded.



Cynical vs. Romantic



You received 21 points, making you more Cynical than Romantic. Your position on this scale indicates if you are more likely to be wary, suspicious and skeptical to people around you and the world at large, or if you are more likely to believe in grand schemes, happy endings and the basic goodness of humankind. It is by far the most vaguely defined scale, which is why you'll find the sentence "you are also a lot like x" above. If you feel that your position on this scale is wrong, then you are probably more like author x. At their best, cynical people are able to see through lies and spot crucial flaws in plans and schemes. At their worst, they are overly negative, bringing everybody else down.

Author image by Catriona Sparks from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Michael_Moorcock.jpg Click for license info.

Take Which fantasy writer are you? at HelloQuizzy

Mild annoyance from above

Life is full of surprises.  Some people consider this one of its charms, a position that’s always been baffling to me.  Case in point: Thursday afternoon, while I was inoffensively going about my business, a flower pot that someone had evidently positioned insecurely fell from its perch and hit me.  Luckily it hit me in the shoulder instead of the head, but it’s still a hell of a shock to have a heavy object whack you from out of nowhere from above and cover you in a shower of dirt.

So basically, my life has turned into a cartoon.  And, sadly, it’s a traditional American cartoon based around subjecting the protagonist to sadistic and increasingly outlandish physical abuse, not one of the Japanese ones about an endearingly nerby schlub forced by circumstances to pilot some sort of 50-foot battle robot and/or share a house with a group of foxy female stock characters who are inexplicably attracted to him.  Life is not fair.

A tympanic membrane three sizes too small

I really like most aspects of the Christmas season- the lights, the decorations, other people giving me stuff, even the weather.  In fact, there’s really only one thing about the season I don’t like: that infernal music.

Traditional Christmas songs are fine.  What I can’t stand are the hideous modernized version of Christmas music, usually in some half-assed generic rock and roll or jazz style, that is endlessly piped into the sound system of seemingly every place of business within traveling distance of my home.  I go grocery shopping, it’s there.  I go to the mall, it’s there.  I go to the dentist, it’s there.  It never ends.  And my exposure is fairly limited; at least I’m not subjected to it at work.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to work at something like a grocery or department store and have to hear it for hours on end, day after day.

Is it just me?

Out-of-Context Conversation Theatre

I'm standing in line at the store last week, and there's a fellow behind me on a cell phone.  I pay him no mind until I hear him say:

"Yeah, we're having him shot in Salt Lake City next week!"

Well, that piqued my interest.  He was silent for a moment, and then followed up with:

"Yeah, yeah.  We're bringing a crew up from California."

Now, I know criminal overlords don't openly discuss gangland slayings on their cellphones when they're in line at Walgreens.  But I was still slightly relieved when I heard him start talking about camera equipment a few moments later.

Worlds colliding

You know, I hate to turn into one of those grumpy old codgers carrying on about how ridiculously long the holiday season has gotten nowadays.  Nevertheless, I have to ask: why, when I went to my local Walgreens a full week ago, October 6th, were they already selling Christmas cookies?  Christmas cookies, mind, in a store with an entire aisle dedicated to Halloween candy and decorations.  Please to explain.  I don't want to see the different holidays bleeding into each other like this.  By early December, they'll probably have the Easter candy out.

In which I fall to the Dark Side

Tamara Brooks lists the the ways she'd would would misuse the Force.  She's a fan of the Jedi mind trick, but leaves out the best power of all: Using the Force to choke people!

Someone cut in front of you in a line? Force choke. A fellow passenger on the bus won’t stop blathering into a cell phone? Force choke. An intoxicated would-be pick-up artist at your favorite bar won’t take the hint? Force choke. Next-door neighbor keeps having noisy parties at 3 in the morning? You guessed it.  Most of life’s daily annoyances would vanish like Yoda's corpse.

Please to explain...

Could someone tell me why the Saturday Chicago Tribune had a front-page story- the top of the front page, no less- on the phenomenon of the "neckbeard?"  I've written on some fairly ridiculous topics in my time, but I know better than to put them on the front of the eighth-largest newspaper in the United States.